23. Chemo Results & Water

So the big news, which is really not that big, is that I had my first follow-up appointment with the nurses at Texas Oncology on Tuesday this week to see how the chemo had affected me. It was just a blood test and a quick look at my vitals, there's no way to know too much, but they just wanted to generally see if there were side effects, if any of my levels were low, etc.

Everything looks pretty good. And while it's too imprecise to get too excited about, the blood marker that measures the tumor shrunk from around 14-something when it was measured at MD Anderson to 8-something after the first round of chemo. So it looks like the chemo is doing it's job, and without any real side effects, save a mild cold sensitivity where I couldn't drink cold drinks for about 5-6 days without feeling a shock-like sensation at the back of my throat.

I did get a call the day after the visit, though, just to say that there was nothing serious, but that my kidney levels could be a concern in future, and that I needed to make sure and drink a lot of fluids. Ideally about two liters of water a day.

Those who know me know that I used to scorn the drinking of water. It doesn't have any flavor! In fact, for a long time I drank about 4-5 Cokes a day.

That is not a typo.

When I decided to get serious about losing weight, I cut back on Cokes, down to 1-2 a day. Switched in some flavored teas (Texas Tea is my favorite), Raspberry Lemonade, that kind of thing. Still not a ton of water. But I did start drinking a little more.

When I went into the hospital for the colonoscopy in April, I had to forgo drinking or eating anything for a pretty decent period, and so I had the long-dreaded caffeine headache. Along with every other symptom that came with the complications of my colonoscopy, it was actually relatively minor. And once I'd gotten it over with, I decided I'd be kinda stupid to go back to the addiction again, so I decided to officially quit sodas.

As a result, I've been drinking more water, and I've gotten to the point where I don't need flavored drinks as often, although I was craving flavor so badly recently that I had a two-day addiction to Sonic's Cherry Limeades (until the cold sensitivity put the kibosh on that) and then made a special trip to Central Market to buy a dozen Texas Tea flavored with Poteet Strawberry or Fredericksburg Peach.

But now I need to be more serious about it, and I have been. I bought a Bobble filter water bobble right before chemo, and I love it. It filters whatever water you put into it, it holds about 18 oz. of water, and I've been carrying it with me pretty much everywhere. Once I got the word from the doctor, I did the math and figured that I need to fill and drain the thing about 4 times a day to get the water I'm supposed to. Which is pretty easy, as long as I keep it with me and just kind of drink from it regularly. It's a strange transition that happened over a long period of time, but I've become the guy who keeps a water bottle with him and drinks that instead of sugary sodas.

If you'd told me I was going to do that a couple years ago, I'd have laughed right in your face.

22. The Halfway Point

Jumping the gun a bit here, as it's not technically June yet, but we're about halfway through 2012, so I thought I'd do a check-in on my resolutions.


1. Post at least weekly on my blog. 
Well, I dropped the ball on this one, but technically because of doubling-up and lots of cancer posting, it's week #22 and this is post #22. Not what I had thought I'd be posting about, but at least I'm posting.

2. Watch all of the Blurays and DVDs I have that are sitting unwatched on my shelf.
Still working my way through this one, not helped by the fact that I continue to buy and get new DVDs and Blurays which slot in front of the stuff I already have. But here's the update:

Blurays:
Breaking Bad Seasons 2 & 3 (I've seen the show, but not the special features - Started my re-watch of this with Season 1 DVD as of last night, plan to watch one episode a night until I'm caught up)
Coen Brothers Boxed Set (Watched Raising Arizona & Miller's Crossing, just need to re-watch Fargo and watch Blood Simple for the first time)
The Dark Knight (Re-watched the movie, just need to watch the special features, probably closer to when Dark Knight Rises hits and I get in the mood for more)

Justified Season Two (Plan to re-watch and of course watch all the special features - season one was a great Bluray set)
Kick Ass (Saw in theater, but haven't seen since, plus special features)
Louie Season Two (Have re-watched a few, and some special features)
The Man With No Name Trilogy (Never seen, except for Good, The Bad and The Ugly, plan to rectify that soon)
Memento (Haven't seen in quite some time, plus special features)
No Country For Old Men (Re-watch, plus special features)
Rocketeer (Haven't seen in several years)
Lord of the Rings Trilogy (Haven't seen in a while, plus *tons* of special features)

DVDs:
Band of Brothers (Haven't seen in a few years)
Batman Beyond Seasons 1-3 (Re-watch, but I haven't seen since original airing in most cases)
Batman Brave and the Bold Season 2 Part 2 (There might be a few in here I haven't seen yet)
Blazing Saddles (Re-watched about half, haven't been in the mood to watch again just yet)

Casablanca (Still wrapped, haven't ever watched the DVD though I saw it at the Paramount again in 2010)
Chaplin (Never seen, and I'm a Robert Downey Jr. fan)

Breaking Bad Season 1 (Seen the show, but not
Community Seasons 1-2 (Have seen original airings, but haven't re-watched, plus there are tons of special features)
Crimson Tide (Still wrapped, so haven't seen in a few years)
Kids in the Hall Complete Series (I've seen a lot of these, but not all of them)

Lost Season 4 (Still wrapped, will probably use this as an excuse to re-watch the whole series)
Manchurian Candidate (2004) (Still wrapped, white elephant gift from a few years ago, never seen)
Max Headroom (I love this series, haven't seen it since it originally aired)
Monty Python's Flying Circus Box 6 (Still wrapped, may or may not use this as an excuse to watch all the Monty Python I've got)
Party Down Seasons 1 & 2 (Cheap on Amazon, couldn't resist, love this show)
Police Squad (Still wrapped, saw it when it was on TV, love it, looking forward to the revisit)
Predator (Haven't seen in many years, may or may not watch special features)
Profit Complete Series (Still wrapped, saw a couple episodes back in the day, always wanted to complete it)
Pushing Daisies Season 1 (Still wrapped, have seen all of it's original run, will use this as an excuse to re-watch the whole series)
The Shield Season 5 (Still wrapped, have seen all of the show, might use this as an excuse to re-watch the whole series, one of my all-time favorites)
Snuff Box (British sketch comedy show I got for my birthday, I've seen some clips on Youtube and it's pretty hilarious)
Wonderfalls (Still wrapped, saw its original run on TV, will probably follow up by Pushing Daisies watch with this)

3. Catch up on all the graphic novels on my to-read pile.
I actually read quite a few graphic novels, but I keep adding more. The piles are a little smaller, though, and have different stuff in them.

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind (These came back into print, finally, so I finally picked them up. And then Diamond neglected to send volume two. But I'm borrowing that one from a friend.)
Modern Masters/Marvel Comics (Lots of text-heavy, these are gonna take a while)
The Book of Genesis (Signed by Crumb!)
Manga Ka in America (Great art)
Devil Dinosaur Omnibus (Kirby weirdness)
EC Archives (These are review copies from way back)

 So Diamond had a sale and I picked up a bunch of Essentials. These take a while to read through, so it'll probably be a while before these all move off the stack.

And this is what remains of my indy graphic novels and review copies. Pretty pared down. Honestly, I've tried Pang a couple times, and it might just not be for me, the rest I just haven't been in the right mood for yet.














4. Catch up on the novels on my to-read pile.

The Kindle Fire put a bit of a dent into this plan, as I started buying and reading more books. But the good news is, I am reading more actual books. And I found a couple more books I wanted to read that I thought had been lost, so the Fletch books went onto the read list. But this pile is much more manageable right now.

5. Keep my healthy weight, hopefully get back to exercising and eating normally again
I forgot, of course, the all-important resolution: Don't get cancer. Whoops.

21. Chemo Begins

Chemo by Peter Sorenson

After a week's delay caused by the trip to MD Anderson, we had a new plan in place to start chemo today, Monday, May 21st.

The plan is this: Chemo first, chemo/radiation second, surgery (in Houston) third and chemo to follow up. So it's gonna be an even longer haul. But I'm much more confident in the surgical side of things, since Dr. Chang, the surgeon in MD Anderson, has done more of these types of tumors, where my previous doctor really hadn't. (Also? Dr. Chang was nothing like Senor Chang on Community. A relief, but also a minor disappointment.)

At my urging/insistence and with no real resistance from the folks at MD Anderson, we're doing all the chemo and chemo/radiation here, and just the surgery and follow-up scans in Houston. So we'll be there for a day and a half in July, then again following the radiation (probably late September-early October) then for a longer stretch for surgery (I'm guessing November). But most of the work will be done here in Austin, or technically Round Rock, at Texas Oncology, which is great, because I really like everybody there.

Today just confirmed that, because everyone was fast, professional, nice and easy to talk to. Dr. Kocs, my oncologist, is a funny guy who shoots straight but helps maintain my positive attitude, and all the nurses were fantastic as always. The doctor made me very happy when he said he didn't expect me to have any nauseau due to the meds, and so far, the pre-meds and pills I've been given are keeping even any hint of nausea at bay.

I was there from about 9 AM - 3 PM, spent a lot of time on Facebook, watched several episodes of Bob's Burgers, dozed a bit while half-watching Serenity and a George Carlin special. No pain at all thanks to the numbing spray and my port, got the Omega Pack hooked up for the next couple days and it's a little annoying but really not that bad.

Came home and was just wiped out exhausted, took a three hour nap. Still felt a bit groggy (but hungry) at dinner time, and found that one of my friends had changed his Facebook photo to Chemo (the DC supervillain) in solidarity, and had exhorted other friends to do the same, and as of now, about 20-some of my friends have done that, including that cool one above drawn by Peter Sorenson. I was touched and a little teary when I saw Facebook's "So and so has changed their profile pictures" and saw that almost all of them were Chemo.

I got a touch of the cold sensitivity side effect, I think, because my ice water with dinner was tingling my mouth unpleasantly, so ice cream, shakes and *sigh* Cherry Limeades are probably off for a little while, but that's not so bad. Otherwise, I'm feeling better right now than I have at any time in the last week or so. I don't know that it'll last, there's always a relapse of pain or discomfort, and I'm certainly not 100%, but I feel pretty good now, which is where I wanted to be when we started down chemo road.

The amount of support I'm getting from friends, family and casual Facebook acquaintances is just overwhelming, and it's making the whole thing a lot easier. All things being equal, I'd rather not have cancer, but if I've gotta go through this, I think this is the best possible way in which to do it.

20. Favorite New Series for February - April

Fatale #1-4 (I know I'm going to enjoy this more in collected edition, when I can get a handle on the whole story, but it's as good as everything else Brubaker and Phillips have done together)

Thief Of Thieves #1-3 (Great new crime series from Kirkman, Spencer and Martinbrough)

Conan The Barbarian #1-3 (Love the new direction by Wood and Cloonan, the super-scary take on Pirate Queen Belit is particularly nice)

Glory #23-25 (The story is a bit disjointed, but the artwork by Ross Campbell is gorgeous, and I'm digging the sort of apocalyptic vibe)

Prophet #22-24 (European sci-fi in all the good ways. Nice art by everyone involved so far, inventive and unusual story from mad genius Brandon Graham)

Saga #1-2 (Amazing new sci-fi/fantasy epic from Vaughan and Staples. Can't wait to see where this goes in the long run)

Saucer Country #1-2 (Quirky little book with great characters, I'm a little worried about sales and long-term survival. Easily my favorite of the new Vertigo launches)

Winter Soldier #1-4 (Solid little espionage/action book. The art is occasionally a bit on the busy side, but it's beautifully done, and I'm more interested in James/Black Widow than the real Cap at this point)

19. It's Tuesday, It Must Be Houston

As I write this, we're on the last night in the hotel in Houston, for the inaugural stop of Cancer Tour 2012. It's not a glamorous stop, Houston, but the other stops include Austin, Round Rock and my rectum, so at worst, it's like the fourth most glamorous stop.

Yes, I just implied that Houston is less glamorous than my rectum. Sorry, Houstonites. This really ain't my kinda town, based on what little I've seen of it. Although hat tip for 59 Diner, an awesome local chain we loved so much that we went both nights we were here for dinner. I got the big country breakfast (sausage, biscuits and gravy, french toast, 3 eggs and hash browns - it came on three plates!) on night one and a chili cheese dog on night two. Reese's shake on night one, Black Cow (root beer, ice cream, chocolate syrup) on night two. For the record.

Anyway... the trip has been brief but eventful. We're staying at an Extended Stay America for $100/night (that's the "reduced" medical rate) and I was expecting something nice, maybe along the lines of the rooms I had at St. David's. Instead, we're just above Motel 6 here. It's decent enough, but very low-rent. I'll say this for them, their wi-fi works free and consistently. Beyond that... not a great place to stay long-term, and if we do wind up coming back to Houston, we'll probably be looking elsewhere for accommodations.

MD Anderson, sold to me as the greatest cancer center on the planet, was also a little underwhelming. I got a little spoiled at St. David's in Round Rock. The nurses there are without exception amazing, friendly, easy to talk to and super easy to find when you need them. The doctors have all been great, and I was feeling very comfortable with the notion of chemo, radiation and cancer treatment through these folks.

MD Anderson, in contrast, is huge. Like Dallas/Fort Worth airport huge. They've got pagers and systems and hundreds, maybe thousands, of staffers, and getting in feels very organized, but also very sterile and hands-off. The nurses don't have that personal touch because they're taking 5-6 people at a time. The doctor I've met had us waiting for an hour and a half because he'd been called to the OR and that threw his entire schedule off.

In fairness, they do a very good job. The MRI I had was relatively painless and easy, the doctor (when he did come to talk to us) did a good job explaining everything, and I'll forgive him shoving a tube somewhere uncomfortable for a not-insignificant amount of our time together because that's his job, and he did get a good look at the tumor in the meantime.

The good news is, no colostomy before surgery, which was looking likely. So no surgery, then recovery, which means chemo and treatment can start soonish. The bad news is, a permanent colostomy after surgery now looks like a lock, which is honestly in worst-case scenario territory for me. I'm sure I'll get used to it, but in terms of things I feared most when I got this diagnosis, having to poop into a bag for the rest of my life was pretty damn high on the list.

Tomorrow we see their oncologist to talk about the treatment. The treatment they recommend for a tumor that's the size of mine is actually chemo first, then chemo-radiation, then surgery. So the timetable has expanded a bit, from 9 months to closer to a year. And the chemo, the harder stuff with more side effects, will be right up front. But that could be good, I'm at my strongest now, so I'd kind of rather have the hardest medicine to deal with now before I've been worn down.

The other potential hitch is that ideally, they'd like to everything through their center. But I think I have a good chance of convincing: A) MD Anderson that I'm better off being closer to home for such intensive and long-term care and B) Texas Oncology to do the chemo then radiation thing, which is the reverse of how they usually do things.

Cross your fingers for me that those two things are true. Because while I'm actually pleased by the notion of having a more experienced colorectal surgeon working on my tumor when the time comes, the notion of spending five and a half weeks in Houston for chemo-radiation, and two days every two weeks for two months in Houston for chemo, is pretty high up on my "worst case" scenario list as well.

But if that's what it takes, that's what we'll do. I'm just hoping that we'll be able to do most of the regular treatment in Austin and then the surgery in Houston.

18. Brave

Tangentially related... but it does look like an awesome summer movie, right?

I've had a lot of people in the past month or two tell me how brave they think I am. Based on how I'm handling my cancer diagnosis and treatment.

And while I certainly appreciate the compliment and don't mind hearing it, I have to admit I don't feel particularly brave. I'm just kinda turning into the skid. My other choice was to become a misanthropic grumpy bastard, and honestly, I've already done that. A lot. Without cancer.

So I handle cancer with my sense of humor and by doing my best not to let it totally upset my life. I'm not thrilled at how I've had to step back at work, or had to minimize my already minimal tasks at home, or not be able to help out friends or even sometimes go out with friends because I'm too tired, too pained or too weak. But everybody keeps telling me they understand, and I choose to believe them.

The truth is, though, my "bravery" is entirely selfish. I'm fighting this cancer so I can stay in this life with my wife. So I can see my kids grow up. So I can see my business continue to grow and thrive, so I can spend more time with my awesome and widespread group of friends and family. So I can (let's be honest) eat really, really unhealthy yet delicious food for years to come. So I can watch more TV and movies, read more comics and books and listen to more music.

Mostly, though, it's about my kids. I'm gonna fight this as hard as I can because I love my kids and I don't like to think of them without a dad. And really, that's not bravery. Anyone who wouldn't fight the devil himself for their kids doesn't really understand what parenting is all about.

By the way, a typo almost named this post "Grave." Which would've been kind of hilariously dark.

17. The Next Cancer Update

When last we left our intrepid ass-cancer patient, the master plan was in place. Power port put in on Monday, recovery until Friday, dry run on Friday, start radiation-chemo on Monday, etc., etc.

And then.

My surgeon, who always seems to deliver the bad news, had some consultations with other surgeons, and they started thinking maybe, since I'd had this infection beforehand, and since the tumor is so big and aggressive, that it might be a better idea to put in a colostomy ahead of time, before we start all the therapy.

So the brakes have been put on everything. I'm going to MD Anderson, which is apparently the top cancer center in the country, and happens to be in our backyard (Houston), and they're slotting us in relatively quickly. We're going there for a consult to find out what they want to do. We were hoping for Friday (that's tomorrow) but that was faster than they could move, so now we're hoping for Monday or Tuesday.

What can happen from here is many-fold. Could be we go down there, they do the MRI, tests, I talk to all their people (another surgeon, another radiologist, another oncologist) and they say "Go ahead with the plan" and we start a couple weeks later. That's the best case. It's also not what I'm particularly expecting.

They could also say "Put in the colostomy, wait a couple weeks to recover, then do the original plan." That's the second best-case, although I'm not thrilled with the idea of pooping into a bag. I mean, sure, on a dare or for a Klondike bar or something, but not on a regular basis. But y'know, whatever if it means we still get started soon.

They could also say "OK, we're going to do something completely different, and you're going to have to travel to Houston several times a week (or live here for 4-6 weeks) and do chemo, colostomy, surgery, all that stuff here."

But none of that gets done until the appointment is made, which is out of my hands, so I'm waiting for the phone call, which will hopefully come tomorrow. I know that in the long run, a delay of a few weeks isn't that big of a deal, and my original surgeon was quite clear that the tumor has been around for six months, maybe even a year, so the odds of a couple weeks making any difference in terms of it spreading are much, much lower than the odds of an infection or a blockage developing later that could really fuck things up.

But... I was all set to go. Psyched up and ready to start this treatment, get the ball rolling, and now we're back at what feels like first and ten again. So it's a little frustrating. But I've heard nothing but good about MD Anderson, and I know that, like everything else, this will fade into memory when and if we get the damn cancer cured.

If I seem a little grumpier lately, though, that's why. Don't worry, though, headspace still positive, still gonna beat this thing, etc. etc.

16. Favorite Comics for February - April

I'll be doing a few more of these, broken down into single issues, new series and miniseries, but to kick things off on the eve of Free Comic Book Day, here are my favorite story arcs that I've read in the past three months:

Story Arcs:

Amazing Spider-man #678-679 (A great time travel two-parter, and I love Horizon Labs and their role in Spidey's life)

Amazing Spider-Man #682-684 (It's not perfect, but there's a lot to like on this newest Sinister Six story, including a great use of Silver Sable and Black Widow alongside Spidey, and more great Horizon stuff)

Animal Man #6-8 (Continues to be creepy and effective, and a nice counterpart to Swamp Thing)

Chew #24-25 (The conclusion of Major League is as messed up and hilarious as I expect from this book)

Resurrection Man #6-8 (Still really enjoying this Abnett & Lanning offering, as they take him to Gotham and explore his origins a bit more)

Avenging Spider-Man #6/Punisher #10/Daredevil #11 (The Omega Drive storyline, by Waid and Rucka, is a fantastic teaming of Daredevil, Punisher and Spidey)

Suicide Squad #6-8 (The Harley Quinn arc - A great new origin, loved seeing Deadshot and his team face off against Harley, and the "I'm still alive" moment with King Shark and Yo-Yo was hilarious and wrong)

Wolverine And X-men #5-6 (Wolverine and Quire in a space casino, Kitty pregnant with micro-Brood, and Stegman instead of Bachalo on art. This book suffers greatly with Bachalo's artwork, but when it's someone else, it's my favorite X-Book)

Daredevil #9-10 (The Mole Man arc, another villain whose blindness makes him an obvious and yet unusual choice, like Klaw. Waid continues to knock it out of the park, with some of the best artists in the business backing him up)

Sixth Gun #19-21 (The latter half of the latest story arc, which I continue to love. The silent issue, #21, is a particular highlight of the series thus far)

Fantastic Four #603-605 (The conclusion and coda to the biggest arc in Hickman's run. Fantastic (no pun intended) stuff, and I especially loved all the time travel and take on the Thing in #605)

Avengers Academy #27-28 (I like this book, but I'm not that fond of the characters. However, Gage did a great job with the Runaways, making me wish he'd do more with them in the future)

Swamp Thing #6-8 (Still enjoying Snyder's take on Abby, Swamp Thing and The Rot)

15. Cancer Update

Not This Chemo

So this week was a week of doctor's appointments. I got a PET scan (not when they run your dog through a scanner and ask him what's wrong), a visit with my radiologist (not a DJ, someone who uses radiation) and my oncologist (I don't have a joke here). My oncologist, who is a funny and friendly guy, laid down the "master plan" he and the radiologist have come up with for treating the cancer.

It's a combination of radiation, chemo and surgery. It's gonna take a total of about nine months, at which point we hope to move me into the "cured, but keep an eye out for remission" stage for, uh, well, the rest of my life.

I've got "chemo training" on Monday, a meeting with my surgeon on Tuesday to make sure all the hospital stuff from a couple weeks is healing OK so we can go ahead with the treatment, then Free Comic Book Day and a wedding on the weekend while I have a brief respite from everything.

Then on the next Monday (probably) it's surgery to put in a port. Which is a thing they stick in your shoulder-ish area where they can hook up chemo drugs, inject stuff, etc. The radiation is going to be five times a week, probably in the afternoon, and the chemo is a "radio-enhancer" that gets into me by hooking up a pump to my port. I then wear the pump on a "fanny pack" (doctor's words, I'm looking for a name that's cooler, like "The Omega Pack") with a tube going up underneath my shirt to the port. It'll pump the chemo drug at regular dosages into me all week until Friday, when it's time to get it removed.

In other words, I get to be a cyborg for 4-6 weeks.

After that, it's rest and recovery for a few weeks, surgery to remove the (hopefully much smaller, maybe even if we're lucky gone entirely) tumor, and then twice-a-week preventative chemo to get any little bits of cancer that are sticking around. Or as I like to call it, evicting the dick-ish cancer cells that didn't get the message when we blasted the hell out of them with radiation and chemicals. Seriously, if your landlord started pouring chemical waste and irradiating your apartment, wouldn't you leave?

At any rate, cybernetics, weird chemicals, cancer, radiation... there's no way I'm getting out of this without some kind of super-powers.

14. The Birthday Bragging Post

The worst birthday present I got this year was cancer. But I got a lot of really good presents, too, and mostly for my own purposes, I'm gonna recount what they were. This is a self-indulgent "I got cool stuff post" mostly for me.

Birthday Money:
I got some birthday money from my in-laws and my parents, and although at first I was going to plow it all into paying for the cancer, after consulting insurance and being told by all of them that it was birthday money, and that I was to spend it on birthday stuff, I went on a little shopping spree at Best Buy. And I got:

1. PS3 320 GB bundle (Uncharted 3 Edition) - I was gonna get the 160 GB version, but for $50 more I got a bigger hard drive and a copy of Uncharted 3, a game I was certain I was going to buy anyway. I bought this for two main reasons, to get a better Blu-ray player (success... I love it more than my clunky old Samsung) and Amazon Video streaming (moderate success, although it's been uneven, perhaps due to my Internet connection). I also bought the Bluray remote, which I love.

2. Disneyland Adventures for Kinect - The kids loved the demo, so I figured they'd like the game. Mostly they found it frustrating. *sigh*

3. Spider-Man Shattered Dimensions - Rented this from Redbox a while back, liked it enough to pick it up now that it had gotten cheaper. But I forgot it was a bit on the glitchy side, so I've been playing it somewhat unevenly.

4. Beard trimmer - My son broke the last one, this one was about $50 and better quality than the one I had, and can also be used to cut hair, so it's gonna more than pay for itself.

Amazon Money:
Two of my friends gave me very generous gift cards to Amazon, largely to help fill up my new Kindle Fire (which I love). It's kind of amazing how fast you can spend a bunch of money on mostly digital stuff. But here's what I got:

1. X-Box 360 Mounting Clip - $6, holds the Kinect on really nicely. Should have bought this *months* ago.

2. Simpsons Treehouse of Horror Seasons 1-2 - Bought on a whim, because I wanted some Treehouse of Horror episodes, and I can watch them on my computer, my Kindle or my TV (through the PS3).

3. Sky Full of Holes by Fountains of Wayne, Immigrant Song by Trent Reznor & Karen O, Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol soundtrack, Game of Thrones soundtrack, Treme Season 2 soundtrack - I've got a lot of music on my MP3 wishlist, this put a bit of a dent into it.

4. Across the Universe - $5 for a Beatles-inspired musical that I really dig and Netflix doesn't have on Instant anymore.

5. 20th Century Ghosts by Joe Hill and Beyond Outrage by Robert Reich - A couple digital books for the Kindle.

6. An episode of The New Girl that my DVR missed. Streamed it onto my PS3 and watched it as if I had it on the DVR, it was a perfect experience. Which makes me think the problems I've been having watching Simpsons are glitchiness on Amazon or PSN's part, not my network.

13. The Cancer Post

Huh. Weirdly appropriate that this would be post #13 of 2012.

I sometimes forget everybody doesn't have Facebook, where I talked about this last week. So for some of you, this will come as news.

On my 41st birthday, Tuesday, April 17th, I was diagnosed with rectal cancer. It's stage 3, but it's contained, and the doctors are very optimistic that we caught it in time to eliminate it with nine months of radiation, chemo and a surgery.

Minutes after making the announcement on Facebook, I posted this:

Top 5 Good Things About My Birthday Cancer Diagnosis
1. Colonoscopy no longer the worst birthday present I got2, Losing my hair to chemo really a pretty small change for me.3, I have cancer = best universal excuse ever4, TV in my hospital room actually bigger than the one at home5.Morphine

Just wanted you guys to know I've still got my sense of humor.


So that's how I'm handling it. With an admittedly dark sense of humor and a lot of optimism. I'll try to update on the blog for those who aren't following me on Facebook (or who just don't do Facebook), but I can't promise that I'll actually update all that often.


But the upshot is this: I have cancer, I'm very confident I'm gonna beat it, and until then I intend to make the most of the comedic potential of butt cancer. Which I think we can all admit is pretty damned high.

12. 6 Comics You Must Read

So... I've never been the kind of guy who could keep myself to 6 comics a month. In fact, when it comes to budgeting for comics, I've generally been in the "budget? What budget? I have to have that Absolute edition!" category. But just as a thought exercise, if I had to pick only 6 comics per month to buy, I'd probably try to spread the wealth amongst 6 different companies, and right now, here's what I'd pick:

1. DC - Suicide Squad - I talked about this in my New 52 post, and nothing's changed. In fact, the two-part Harley Quinn story has done nothing but reinforce my love for this comic. It's almost nothing like the classic Suicide Squad comic that is one of my favorites of all time, other than featuring Deadshot and Amanda Waller (albeit as very different versions of themselves), but it's a great take on the "Dirty Dozen with supervillains" concept. Darkly funny, with fantastic art, and a real sense of danger for the characters. 

2. Vertigo - American Vampire - Yes, I know this is technically also DC. Shut up. It's a toss-up for me between this and Unwritten, but I think the violent history of vampires through the lens of American history wins out over the literary fantasy. Both are great books, but if I got a new trade of Unwritten and a new hardcover of American Vampire on the same day, I know I'd read American Vampire first. The World War II era stories were particularly great, but I'm looking forward to the '50s era story when it comes to hardcover soon.

3. Marvel - Daredevil - Man, there's nothing even close. I'm really digging Wolverine and the X-Men, Winter Soldier is off to a good start, I'm sure there are others, but Daredevil is like a master class on how comics should be done. I wish every Marvel comic was more like it, satisfying in single issues and yet building nicely upon itself to tell a bigger story, with great characters, interesting plots, a fantastic use of the elements of the Marvel Universe we usually don't see in Daredevil (Moloids? Klaw?). It manages to be witty and light, but without being simply goofy or lacking any weight at all. Mark Waid is writing at the top of his game here, and the artists he's got are amazing guys working at the top of theirs as well. Can't wait to see Chris Samnee come aboard.

4. Image - Chew - This one's tougher. There are a lot of great new contenders at Image, including Thief of Thieves, Saga, Hell Yeah and Fatale, but none of them have established themselves quite yet, and so Chew remains my favorite. It's got an amazing "can't easily describe it" premise, which doesn't usually work, but the strange mix of food-related super-powers, conspiracies, aliens, vampires (sort of) and more is grounded by Layman's strong characters and a sense that while the reader probably doesn't know where they're going, Layman definitely does. Plus, Rob Guillory's art is completely unique in the market, and without his sensibilities, I don't think the book would work half as well. Thank goodness Vertigo passed, because working in that darker, Vertigo style wouldn't have served this unusual story in the same way.

5. Dark Horse - BPRD - This is technically cheating, as these are a series of miniseries rather than an ongoing, but the book has been coming out pretty much monthly for years now and features a continuing series, so I think it counts. It's a toss-up between this and Usagi Yojimbo, and that was a really tough call, but I've been in BPRD mode of late, having caught up on the Hell on Earth series and picked up the latest Plague of Frogs hardcover. John Arcudi and Mike Mignola have done a great job of making the BPRD characters stand tall without Hellboy, and they're telling big epic stories where characters grow, change and even die (and stay dead) and the artwork has been top notch. When Guy Davis left, I was a little worried, but replacements like Tyler Crook and James Harren have been fantastic.

6. Oni Press - Sixth Gun - This is an edit (there were originally 5 books), which is kinda embarrassing because Sixth Gun is actually probably my second favorite book going right now, right behind Daredevil. At any rate, horror + western has been good for a lot of comics, but the Sixth Gun is my favorite comic to combine western and supernatural elements. It's got a broader scope than most horror westerns, in that it's more like supernatural adventure, blending elements of high fantasy like quests and magic weapons in nicely with demonic beings and the undead. And the characters and world-building done here is second to none. Throw in fantastic artwork by Brian Hurtt and you've got a great book.

11. Saga #1 and Why I'm So Glad Brian K. Vaughan is back in comics

Wow, haven't used these particular writing muscles in a while.

A great first issue is a rare and wondrous thing. Especially rare and wondrous when it's wholly new, creator-owned and unexpected. Saga is two of those things, although "unexpected" doesn't really seem fair, since the expectations on Brian "Y the Last Man, Ex Machina, Runaways" Vaughan aren't exactly small. But a sweeping sci-fi/fantasy epic from Image? That's something new and different, and there was every chance that one of my favorite writers in comics might stumble.

Good news. He didn't. In fact, he and artist Fiona Staples have created a promising, ambitious and gorgeous new world that I can't wait to explore further. Saga blends together big ideas like magic, blasters, robots, intergalactic war with smaller, character-based notions like family, loyalty, honor and hope in one hell of a first issue.

Vaughan has a history of strong characters and a light, approachable touch even with heavy subject matter like politics, post-apocalypse or coming of age when your parents are super-villains (OK, that last one's not universal) and that continues in Saga. The galaxy is at war, as two different races have expanded their war beyond their own planets to battle by proxy on other planets, there's a real sense that this war has deep history and could go on forever, with no real victors, and yet, the simple struggle of a mismatched couple to provide a better life for their new child feels hope-filled and full of potential for adventure. You know how Star Wars starts out with Luke's family being murdered by stormtroopers, and it's kinda horrible, but at the same time you see this kid who always wanted to see the universe finally being given the chance, and learning that he has a heroic legacy he never knew about? It's kinda like that. The baby (who's narrating the story from the future) is born in death and carnage, on the run from the very second she comes into the world, and yet, there's this sense that her parents have a big, amazing adventure ahead of them.

The mix of ideas here is worthy of Grant Morrison at his best, with TV-headed robots co-existing alongside fantasy creatures, "Heartbreaker" guns that wound by bringing up painful memories, giant monsters, spaceships, old school maps with things like "The Uncanny Bridge" on them, etc. The story ranges from metropolis-like sci-fi cities to caves and sewers, and while many a would-be story alchemist has faltered trying to blend science-fiction and fantasy, so far Staples and Vaughan are producing the best of both worlds.

Speaking of Staples, I have to admit that my first reaction to previews of her art was not entirely positive. I was used to the photo-real work of Tony Harris, the solid realism of Pia Guerra, the anime-influenced stylized work of Adrian Alphona, and Staples' work was entirely different. I realize now that this is not at all a bad thing, and she is of course perfect for this book. Her ability to design such a wide variety of creatures, characters and technologies is no small part of why the fantasy/sci-fi mix works as well as it does. And her characters are very expressive, from the grin Alana shows off when she displays her pistol to the pained look of Marko as the forces are killed all around them early on. This book is about big ideas and big moments, but it's going to live or die on the reactions of the characters, and in that regard, Staples absolutely shines.

Here's something else. In comics these days, it's often the case the even good single issues feel a bit slight. Marvel and DC are both doing 20-page books, and a lot of creators use either decompression or a standard of writing where they spread their tale across a 5- or 6-issue arc, and some of the individual issues feel a bit slight. There's every possibility this could happen over the course of Saga, but in 44 pages, this story felt massive. The world is introduced, as are a half-dozen characters, the heart of the story is nailed down in one simple bit of dialogue ("I want to show our girl the universe") and there's a nice, self-contained romance story told in the course of these pages.

For me, Saga #1 had a lot of expectations riding on it, due to Vaughan's pedigree and Image's strong rate of success with new books of late. I'm happy to say that it exceeded those expectations at every turn. Cannot wait to see where the story goes from here.

Saga #1 releases on Wednesday, March 14th. You can see a 4-page preview (which doesn't even begin to do it justice) here.

10. Why I like Archer but can't stand Kenny Powers

Recently, I gave HBO's Eastbound and Down a second shot, when the third season began. I didn't like it. I continue to mostly wish Kenny Powers would get beaten with baseball bats repeatedly for most of the time I'm watching it. And I like Danny McBride, and I really enjoyed the addition of Jason Sudekis, but... I just can't get into the show. I find Kenny Powers too obnoxious.

And yet... I love Archer, and there can be no doubt that Sterling Archer and Kenny Powers are cut from the same self-involved cloth. So why the disconnect?

Partly it's the animation thing. I think having Archer animated allows me to swallow the more outrageous elements more easily. Certainly wee baby Seamus wouldn't be anywhere near as funny if they had to have a live infant to do that story.

Partly I think it's a tonal thing. While I'm not generally a fan of Adult Swim, and haven't really watched much Frisky Dingo or Sealab, for whatever reason, Archer hits me right in the right place, comedically. I laugh my way through every episode, and when I re-watch, it still cracks me up. Meanwhile, ignoring aberrations like Anchorman (which I really enjoy), I'm generally not a fan of the Will Ferrell/Adam McKay team that is behind Eastbound and Down. There's a certain smugness, a certain point-of-view that these self-involved characters are at their heart just lovable scamps, that I can't abide. There can be little doubt when watching Archer that the creative team thinks Archer is a total douche. I'm not entirely convinced that the creators of Eastbound and Down see Kenny Powers that way.

But at any rate, I love Archer, and am currently re-watching my way through season two which was just added to Netflix. Meanwhile, my easy access to two seasons of Eastbound and Down on HBO Go remains mostly unused, because I don't have any interest in spending time watching Kenny Powers.

9. Five Years

Almost five years ago to the day (I'm three days late in posting), I wrote this: The Secret Project

In that post, I revealed that I had bought a comic book shop, that it would be changing names in 2008 to Rogues Gallery Comics & Games, and talked a bit about what buying a comic shop meant to me.

Since that time, I don't think I've really had much cause to regret the decision. We had a tough go with the recession in 2009, I won't lie, and there were months there where I was really worried, but thanks to a supportive customer base, an amazing staff and family stepping in to help with a bank that could not have been less interested in helping us out, we made it through.

Not only did we survive, we thrived. 2010 was pretty good. 2011 was great. 2012 is on track to be even better. Not bad for an industry that the Internet has been saying was dying for, well, as long as I've been reading the Internet.

A few days ago, my wife (and bookkeeper) told me we'd paid off the loan to the bank. That was the brass ring I've been reaching for for the last five years. We still have plenty of overhead, including rent, power, payroll, inventory, but in terms of debt? We're clean. This is ours now. And that feels pretty great. It feels even better knowing how many people were betting against us. Not maliciously, really, but for every jaded pundit who declared that comics retail was dying, for every creator who complained that retailers were ruining their industry, for every banker who thought "comics? not worth our time" I can now offer a nice, friendly, middle finger. We made it. Other than maybe a few months in 2009, I never really doubted we would, but man is it nice to be able to say it.

What I wrote then:
"I'm not as in love with comics as I was when I began working at the store, but my love for selling them has only grown. I love the business problems and marketing challenges presented in comics. Yes, I'd be happier with a healthier, bigger market and several distributors operating at the top of their game, but I've been dealing with Diamond for six years now (plus two years during college), and for all the shit that they get, they actually provide a pretty solid service 90% of the time. And I love selling comics to people who are getting back in or looking for something new. Even if I'm not into Civil War, I get a certain joy at seeing someone get just totally hooked on a comic series like that. And when I get to sell someone on, say, Queen & Country or Bone, or when a kid picks up Owly, that's a good feeling that's hard to beat."

What I say now:

Actually, I still believe most of this. I'd be happier with a healthier market, but DC did us a huge favor with the New 52, reinvigorating the sales of single issues. Image is doing us a huge favor with new books like Chew and Strange Talent of Luther Strode and Thief of Thieves and Witch Doctor, etc. etc., not to mention Walking Dead. IDW is doing us a huge favor with spectacular licensed books, reinvigorated favorites like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and new hits like Locke & Key. Dark Horse continues to impress with Hellboy and the BPRD, licensed hits like Star Wars and Mass Effect, plus plenty of their own new books. Even Marvel, which gets a lot of bad press from the retail corner, are probably going to give us a sales success with the "give the fans what they want" of Avengers vs. X-Men, and if nothing else, they're publishing Waid's Daredevil, for which I'll be eternally thankful. That's not even mentioning Archaia, Archie, Bongo, Boom!, Oni, Top Shelf, Red 5, and the dozens of smaller publishers whose work we sell week-in and week-out.

Diamond has screwed us over during the last five years. There were the weeks when other shops in town got their books a day earlier than us. There are the weeks where they miss an entire run of an issue and we have to wait a few extra days for it. There are near-constant screw-ups in our reorders, damages to our books, missed books, etc. However... if you really step back and look at it, I maintain that these guys have an immense job to do, and 90% of the time, they get it right. I'd prefer 100% of the time, of course, but I'll take 90%.

And I've seen an increase in selling people on books I like. Sixth Gun, Chew, American Vampire, Amulet... these are a few of the top sellers in my store, books I love and hand-sell and get great response to.

I've also grown to know and love more of our games section. I've always been a gamer, but I've started to really appreciate the depth and breadth of board and card games available for groups from hardcore Euro-gamers to more casual families. In the past five years, I've fallen in love with games like Pandemic, Dominion, Ticket to Ride and Small World, to name but a few that have supplemented favorites like Carcassonne and Settlers of Catan. Perhaps more importantly, a lot of customers have discovered these games through us, and we've seen steadily increasing sales on boardgames.

Role-playing game wise, I have to admit to being a little disappointed in the direction that the big gun, Dungeons & Dragons, has taken, but I also have to admit that the launch of 4th edition was probably a big factor in our early success. We went all-out with a midnight release and joined up with their Encounters program, and even if I've soured a bit on the current edition, I loved it for a good long time and so did many of my customers. More importantly, Paizo has stepped up to the plate with Pathfinder and provided what many of my customers were looking for from Dungeons & Dragons. Even if D&D's new edition comes out in 2013 and is a huge success, Pathfinder has carved itself a nice niche in the market, and the worst case scenario is that we have two hugely successful fantasy role-playing games.

We've had some staff turnover, but I've had the same two managers, Nick Budd and Dave Farabee, since we started this crazy ride, and I could not have done it without them. I've been incredibly lucky to have two smart, passionate guys to run this place, and I hope that we'll continue to be the team in place for a good long time. And I've been pretty lucky with my staff too... when we had to make changes, it was a little nerve-wracking, as we hadn't done it for a while, but it always worked out for the best, and I would put my staff up against any comic book store in the country in terms of enthusiasm, friendliness, product knowledge and general awesomeness.

Five years down. Lots more to go.

8. Top 10 DC Relaunch Books

We're almost six months into the DC relaunch now, so that we've seen the finale of most of the first story arcs (and more on that in a minute), and I feel like I've seen enough to fairly rank my favorites.

I should say that we're only in week two of month six, but one issue more or less isn't really going to move my opinion on any of the books I'm reading. I should also say that by month six, I feel like every book should be at least finished with its first story arc, and several of my favorites are actually already into their second. Some of the best books had a four issue or even shorter first arc, and I think that's part of the reason for their success.

1. Suicide Squad
So many ways this could have gone wrong. Untested creative team, some really ugly costume designs on the cover of #1, the weight of expectations from one of my all-time favorite series... and instead, it is my favorite book of the relaunch by a wide margin, and the only one I'm 100% certain I'll be picking up in collected editions.

It's got great dark humor, terrific new characters, a great use of existing characters and really nice art. I'm surprised by how much I'm enjoying their take on Harley Quinn, equally surprised by how well Deadshot works as leader of the Squad instead of free-floating headcase, and I love King Shark, who is violent and unpredictable and often very, very funny. Of course I hate skinny Waller and miss the pre-relaunch Wall, but that's a minor tweak, all things considered, and this is great book.

2. Resurrection Man
This one is pretty much exactly what it was before the relaunch. Abnett & Lanning know how to create a character and a setting (just look at what they've done with Marvel's space adventure stuff or Heroes for Hire), the art is really strong and I like the various mysteries running throughout the thing. And while in some ways the first story arc is still going, in other ways they're doing a more old school approach, with stories that finish in each issue (or in two or three issues) and a larger over-arcing series of subplots. In fact, issue #6, taking place in Gotham, is basically a standalone.

3. Wonder Woman
This is still one of those that could go off the rails, and I suspect, as with almost all of Azzarello's work, that it will read better in trade. But it really is a completely new, and much more interesting, take on Wonder Woman, dark and violent and grounded in mythology in a very different way than what Perez did when he reinvigorated the character in the '80s. And Cliff Chiang's art is phenomenal, some of the best of the relaunch. Even more impressive, when they brought in guest artist Tony Akins, he rose to the occasion and did the best work of his career, so that the occasional guest spot won't ruin the vibe that Azzarello and Chiang have going.

I'm not certain I'll pick up collected editions of the run, I need to see how it does in the long run, but it's a strong possibility.

4. Aquaman

Given that Johns hasn't written much that I've enjoyed in the past few years (ever since Countdown to Infinite Crisis, actually), I'm surprised how much I'm enjoying this book. A relatively short four issue intro arc, some strong art from Ivan Reis, and of course a more badass Aquaman have a lot to do with it. But I also really like his use of Mera (a character I previously could not possibly care less about).

5. Frankenstein Agent of S.H.A.D.E.
Lots of fun, picking up on elements of what Morrison did with the character, and just throwing in tons of little DC Universe elements while essentially being an action-adventure monster book. There have been bumps in the road, like a crossover with OMAC, and I'm deeply disappointed that Lemire is leaving the book, even if Matt Kindt is a decent replacement, but I've been enjoying it in general.


6. Catwoman
Sexy, fun, with spectacular art by Guillem March and some of the strongest writing Winick has done in a while. Sure, it can't compare to the Brubaker run, but what possibly could? It's a popcorn book for me, but I have to admit that every issue I enjoy, and it feels like these guys get this character.

7. Batman and Robin
Loses a few points for still being on its first story arc, even six issues in, loses more points for not naming the new dog Ace, but the dynamic between Bruce Wayne and Damian is fantastic, the art by Patrick Gleason really strong and the bad guy, a callback to Wayne's past and a temptation for Damian's dark side, is a perfect choice. Easily the best of the new Batman books.

8. Swamp Thing
I have to be honest, I'm losing interest in the overlong first arc, but this is a creepy horror take on a character who works better as creepy horror than superheroes, and Yanick Paquette is doing a great job on the art.

9. Animal Man
This one also had a big swing and a miss with the inexplicable decision to do the Buddy Baker movie issue with #6, but it's been creepy and haunting and really, really good up to that point.

10. Batwoman
I have to admit, beautiful as JH Williams' art is, there are times when I can't really tell what's supposed to be going on. And to some extent, Amy Reeder Hadley taking over on art is an improvement. And Williams is maybe a bit too ambitious as a new writer, playing around with structure when he should really be trying to tell a more straightforward story. But... there's so much to like about this book and it's deliberate weirdness, and he gets major bonus points for using Chase and the DEO.

A few notes on other books in the relaunch:

Action Comics - Great first two issues, than rapid nosedive into WTF-ville. I think this, like much of Morrison's work, will benefit from seeing a big chunk (like twelve issues) at a time to see what he's doing, but my initial love of the book has cooled considerably, and it's almost in not reading territory for me now.

Batman - Lots of folks seem to love this, but I can't get past Capullo's artwork. That motorcycle vs. helicopter chase in #3? Borderline unreadable, and it's not the only sequence like that. Snyder is one of my favorite Batman writers after Black Mirror, so I'll probably give this one a chance when it's collected, but I think the choice of artist just killed this book for me.

Batgirl - I can't get over what a morose, disappointing read this book has been.

Green Lantern - Love the use of Sinestro as Green Lantern, and still enjoy the read, but the Mike Choi guest art on #6 didn't do it any favors.

Justice League - Still enjoying this as an action book, but nobody feels particularly in character, Darkseid is a big disappointment (and don't redesign Kirby unless you can improve on it) and it's definitely a "read and forget" book for me. I understand why it's the flagship, and I don't dislike it, but neither is it anywhere near my top 10.

Flash - Love Manapul's art, and I feel like he took a step up as the writer and designer of the panels, but... the writing is soooo boring. With a better writing collaborator, I feel like this book could be much stronger.

Demon Knights - Overlong first story arc, too many characters... I really wanted to like this, but I'm quickly losing track of the story.

7. Worst Spider-Man Writers

This is going to be shorter than my favorites list, partly because I don't have as much to say about writers whose work I didn't like as I do writers I liked. In reverse order:

5. Marv Wolfman - Not really bad writing, given that most of the melodrama and such were elements of the period, not Wolfman in particular, but some of the weakest Spidey because it felt like Wolfman never got Spidey. His Peter Parker was the biggest sad sack and failure on the planet, his supporting cast felt more "larger than life" and DC-like, his original villains were pretty terrible and his use of the classic villains not particularly inspired. Still, compared to the others on this list, it was mostly flat writing, not bad writing.

4. Terry Kavanaugh - I confess, I'm not even sure I spelled his name right. But for a while, Kavanaugh was a Marvel editor turned writer in the '90s who contributed a lot of the clone saga and other execrable Spidey stories. To the best of my knowledge, he never wrote a single story I found palatable.

3. Howard Mackie - Which, technically, should put him higher (lower?) on the list than Mackie, who did write a few stories I found at least solid, if not inspired. But Mackie contributed not only to the clone saga, but also to Byrne's Chapter One era, and was involved in so many terrible stories that he's more memorable (and not in a good way) than Kavanaugh. I'm trying not to extend extra credit for how badly he screwed up the X-Men in the '90s and 2000s as well.

2. John Byrne - Chapter One was everything Ultimate Spider-Man could have been. I do not mean that as a compliment. An attempt to "update" Spidey's origin succeeded only in making him dated for the '80s, not the '60s (and this was written in the late '90s), the attempt to tie up "loose ends" of his origin by tying in Doc Ock or having the burglar notice Peter buying a computer totally missed the point of the character and had all the feel of Byrne's usual "continuity fixes," which fix problems that only a crazy person actually saw before they were fixed. The best thing I can say is that this era is utterly forgotten, so it didn't do any long-term damage.

1. Joe Quesada - I know, I'm not even sure he's credited as co-writer, but let's be honest, the blame for Spidey's devil divorce lays squarely on Quesada's doorstep. Straczynski wrote it, and deserves part of the blame, but Quesada was the guy beating the drum for it, and swearing up and down that they had a clever way to un-marry Spidey. An actual divorce would have done less damage to the character. Mary Jane being murdered by a villain would have done less damage to the character. And the "Brand New Day" status quo shackled some very good writers so that they weren't able to get their feet under them fully for months or even a year afterward, and still causes problems. Dan Slott should be a dream writer for Spidey, and he would be if he weren't saddled with the "Brand New Day" status quo.

Honorable mention here to Kaare Andrews, whose alternate reality tale Spider-Man Reign is the bleakest sort of fan-fic crap that Marvel actually published. Mary Jane dies of cancer because of Spidey's radioactive jizz. Seriously.

Comments

I was getting a ton of comment spam a while back, so I turned on comment moderation, which is why it's taken some time for comments to show up on posts. I'll try to be more diligent about catching those and publishing them so folks' comments will show up in closer to when they're actually posted.

6. If I Ran DC: The DC Relaunch Re-Imagined

So... as a thought experiment last year, me and my co-worker and friend Nick Budd, decided to figure out what we would have done if we had programmed the DC relaunch. There were several caveats: First of all, we had to stay somewhat within reality. By which I mean, we assumed that a lot of folks already had contracts with DC, so almost anyone who had been on books before the relaunch and was still on books after the relaunch, we had to use. Also, we couldn't just grab anybody we wouldn't be able to get. Nobody who's a Marvel exclusive, there was no way Mark Millar was going to work for DC, etc.

We also decided to tweak a few big things. For one, we went reboot, not relaunch. We're going with a sort of Brave and the Bold approach, where there's a history, and we'll explore it as it becomes relevant, but we're not assuming that any of the stories previously happened. Basically, unless it's specifically mentioned in the new stories, assume that it hasn't happened. This is a little more flexible than it probably should be, less specific than the "5 year timeline," but it is sort of the opposite of what DC went with, which is "assume it happened unless we outright tell you it didn't."

I also freely admit to nabbing several pitches from DC Fifty-Too and would immediately take Darwyn Cooke and J. Bone up on their plan to do at least 12 issues of a Wonder Woman book anyone could hand to their young girl. Because really, what kind of *idiots* wouldn't take that pitch?

We also each added a new imprint. For me, all-ages. For Nick, a space-themed imprint called Mystery in Space.

This is my half, Nick's half is on his site, Top 5 Comics, or if he doesn't, I'll ask him and post them up here.

Anyway... here are the solicits. Again, just a thought experiment. All art belongs to the artists, is used for illustrative purposes, and doesn't imply any consent toward this article or anything expressed within. If any artists would like me to take the art down (or move the pictures to my own site, rather than linking to the original piece, which I do as a means to send traffic their way and make them aware of the existence of this article in case any of them do have a problem with it), please contact me and I will respond amazingly quickly.

DETECTIVE COMICS #1
Written by SCOTT SNYDER and DAVE BULLOCK
Art and cover by JOCK and FRANCESCO FRANCAVILLA and DAVE BULLOCK
On sale SEPTEMBER 7 • 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US • RATED T
Detective Comics gets a new first issue for the first time in almost 75 years! A series of brutal killings hints at an ancient conspiracy, and Batman learns that Gotham City is deadlier than he knew. Plus, in the first in a series of 8-page backup stories by rotating creative teams, DAVE BULLOCK shows us the adventures of Slam Bradley, Gotham's hard-boiled private eye protector of the 1930s!

NIGHTWING #1
Written by ANDY DIGGLE
Art and cover by JESUS SAIZ
On sale SEPTEMBER 14 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Dick Grayson was the first Robin, but now he flies solo as Nightwing, guardian of Hub City! The Question, protector of Hub City, has disappeared, and it's up to Batman's first protege to keep the peace in this corrupt town while finding out what happened to the one man who held the corruption at bay. (Editor's Note: In the new continuity, Dick Grayson is African-American. The Question is still Vic Sage.)

BATMAN #1
Written by PAUL DINI
Art by GREG CAPULLO and JONATHAN GLAPION
Cover by GREG CAPULLO
Variant cover by ETHAN VAN SCIVER
On sale SEPTEMBER 21 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Retailers: This issue will ship with two covers. Please see the order form for more information.
Arkham Asylum... empty. Gotham's criminals have spread across the United States, creating havoc too widespread for even Batman to deal with on his own. Be here as Batman teams up with a variety of superheroes from across the DC Universe against his most famous foes... and tries to track down the mastermind behind the massive escape. Who benefits from keeping Batman away from Gotham? And what does this have to do with the Mayor's secret "Arkham City" protocols?

BATMAN INC #1
Written by GRANT MORRISON
Art by FRANK QUITELY and CHRIS BURNHAM
Cover by FRANK QUITELY and CHRIS BURNHAM
On sale SEPTEMBER 28 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Man of Bats. Knight and Squire. Mr. Unknown. Batwing. Black Bat. When crime and terrorism goes international, Batman needs to become an international force. Be here as Grant Morrison explores Batman's army of allies across the globe and their strange foes with superstar artists Frank Quitely and Chris Burnham.

BLACK BAT #1
Written by LISA JOY & TONY DANIEL
Art by TONY DANIEL
Cover by BECKY CLOONAN
On sale SEPTEMBER 7 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Meet Cassandra Cain. The daughter of a world class assassin, rescued as a girl by Batman and trained alongside Jason Todd, Tim Drake and Stephanie Brown as potential replacements for Dick Grayson and Barbara Gordon, Cassandra was given the identity of The Black Bat to become Batman Inc.'s operative in Hong Kong. Now she'll face off against Triads, intelligence agents from around the world and super-criminals trying to infiltrate this high-tech, crime-riddled city of the far east. Brought to you by BURN NOTICE and PUSHING DAISIES writer Lisa Joy and BATMAN artist Tony Daniel, its high octane espionage and action as you like it!

BATWOMAN #1
Written by J.H. WILLIAMS III and W. HADEN BLACKMAN
Art and cover by J.H. WILLIAMS III
On sale SEPTEMBER 14 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
At last! Batwoman’s new series begins, from the multiple award-winning creative team of J.H. Williams III and Haden Blackman!
In “Hydrology,” part 1 of 5, Batwoman faces deadly new challenges in her war against Gotham City’s underworld – and new trials in her life as Kate Kane.
Who or what is stealing children from the barrio, and for what vile purpose? Will Kate train her cousin, Bette Kane (a.k.a. Flamebird), as her new sidekick? How will she handle unsettling revelations about her father, Colonel Jacob Kane? And why is a certain government agent named Cameron Chase keeping tabs on her?

GOTHAM CITY SIRENS #1
Written by PAUL DINI
Art by GUILLEM MARCH
Cover by GUILLEM MARCH
On sale SEPTEMBER 28 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn and Catwoman have learned that to survive in Gotham City, bad girls have to stick together. But now they're facing a new vigilante, one who seems to have put a special focus on the capers of the Gotham City Sirens. Who is Thorn? And why is she so determined to put these women out of business?

BATGIRL & THE BIRDS OF PREY #1
Written by BRYAN Q. MILLER
Art and cover by DUSTIN NGUYEN
On sale SEPTEMBER 21 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
When the Joker's brutal attack put her in a wheelchair, Barbara Gordon thought her life as Batgirl was over. But combining her talent for hacking and information with a cybernetic-interfaced robot from Batman Inc's vault has put her back in the driver's seat, and she's gathered a team of super-operatives that includes Black Canary, Huntress and Starling (Stephanie Brown) to take on the worst that Gotham (and the world) has to offer!

Edge Imprint:

RED HOOD AND THE OUTSIDERS #1
Written by JUDD WINICK & DAVID FINCH
Art and cover by DAVID FINCH
On sale SEPTEMBER 21 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T+
Jason Todd was training to replace Robin, but his violent methods caused him to strike out on his own with the identity of Red Hood. Now he's gathered a team of fellow outsiders and fallen sidekicks, including Arsenal, Rose Wilson, Grifter (from Wildcats) and Wise Son (from Blood Syndicate) to take on the criminals and terrorists of the world with more final methods than his mentor would have approved of. But is one of his new recruits secretly an operative of Batman Inc.?

WILDCATS #1
Written by PAUL CORNELL
Art by CAFU
Cover by SAMI BASRI
On sale SEPTEMBER 28 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T+
Khunds. Dominators. Daemonites. White Martians. These and more alien races have tried to infiltrate or destroy the DC Universe over the years, but they've always been stopped by the covert action teams of the World War II-era mystery man Wildcat. Now investigative journalist Lois Lane is on the trail of the Wildcats, and she has a major scoop: These alien fighters all share alien origins! Has their protection of Earth all been a scheme to take it for themselves? And if so, what does that mean for Lois, and are they the ones trying to kill her? Join Martian Manhunter, Warblade, Voodoo, Spartan, Starman (Mikaal Tomas), Maxima and Starfire as they battle the risk of exposure and the impending menace of alien conqueror Despero!

D.E.O.: COVERT OPS #1
Written by JOHN OSTRANDER & MARC ANDREYKO
Art by CHRIS SAMNEE
Cover by LADRONN
On sale SEPTEMBER 21 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T+
The Department of Extranormal Operations has been the government's answers to alien and metahuman threats for over 50 years. Whether it was the work of King Faraday and John Lynch's Team 7 during the Cold War or the more modern operations of Mr. Bones and Amanda Waller, they've been doing the covert work to keep the world safe, as the United States sees it. Now, however, a massive terrorist super-criminal threat is going to force these rival department heads to work together and coordinate all their resources, from Team 7 to Checkmate to the mysterious Task Force X, or else face the destruction of everything they've protected for so long.

SUICIDE SQUAD #1
Written by CHRISTOS GAGE & GAIL SIMONE
Art and cover by NICOLA SCOTT
On sale SEPTEMBER 14 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T+
Amanda Waller has a deal for the supervillains of Belle Reve. Take on dangerous and probably illegal missions for the government. You'll probably die. But if you don't, you get a few years knocked off your sentence. Bane, Ragdoll, Catman, Deadshot, Captain Boomerang and Scandal have all taken her up on the deal. But several of them have their own agenda, until they find out their last teammate on their first mission: The Joker. And now all their plans and schemes take a backseat to staying alive.

O.M.A.C. #1
Written by DAN DIDIO and KEITH GIFFEN
Art and cover by KEITH GIFFEN and SCOTT KOBLISH
On sale SEPTEMBER 7 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T+
The all-seeing Brother Eye satellite has unleashed a new beast upon the DC Universe in this smashing new series! Kevin Kho has become an unwilling participant in a war between Project Cadmus and Brother Eye as he is transformed into the One Man Army Corps known only as O.M.A.C.!

BLACKHAWKS #1
Written by MIKE COSTA
Art and cover by KEN LASHLEY
On sale SEPTEMBER 28 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T+
Welcome to a world waging a new kind of war that’s faster and more brutal than ever before. It’s fought by those who would make the innocent their targets, using computers, smart weapons and laser-guided missiles. The new enemy is hard to find – and closer to home than we think. Between us and them stand the Blackhawks, an elite force of military specialists drawn from special forces around the world and equipped with the latest in cutting-edge hardware and vehicles. Their mission: Kill the bad guys before they kill us.

ALL-STAR WESTERN #1
Written by JUSTIN GRAY and JIMMY PALMIOTTI
Art and cover by MORITAT
On sale SEPTEMBER 21 • 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US • RATED T+
Even when Gotham City was just a one-horse town, crime was rampant – and things only get worse when bounty hunter Jonah Hex comes to town. Can Amadeus Arkham, a pioneer in criminal psychology, enlist Hex’s special brand of justice to help the Gotham Police Department track down a vicious serial killer? Find out in this new series from HEX writers Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti, with lush artwork by Moritat (THE SPIRIT)! Future issues will feature 8-page backups by rotating creative teams featuring numerous western heroes, including SCALPHUNTER by THE SIXTH GUN team of Cullen Bunn & Brian Hurtt, THE KENTS by John Ostrander and Tim Truman and BAT LASH by Mike Carey & Dan Hipp.

Young Justice imprint:

TEEN TITANS #1
Written by ADAM WARREN
Art by PETE WOODS
Cover by PHIL BOURASSA
On sale SEPTEMBER 28 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Tim Drake, the newest Robin, has a problem. Students have been disappearing from the Holt Academy for Advanced Learning, Mr. Terrific's private school which also doubles as a secret training center for young metahumans. And Tim is sure they've got an inside man. But he can't handle this problem on his own, and he can't bring in Batman, so it's up to Tim to put together a team of heroes from amongst his fellow students. Fairchild, the statuesque and powerful beauty with self-esteem issues, Kid Flash, the nephew of the Flash whose mouth runs twice as fast as his brain, Aqualad, the protege of Aquaman, Jaime Reyes, the teen with the scarab from the aliens known as The Reach, Connor Kent, the powerhouse clone of Superman who hides more than a few secrets and Grunge, the well-meaning doofus who hasn't quite realized that the '90s are over. Together these young teens will form the core of the Teen Titans in this new series from writer Adam Warren (EMPOWERED, GEN 13) and artist Pete Woods (ROBIN), with covers by lead YOUNG JUSTICE animator and character designer Phil Bourassa!

PREZ #1
Written by JAKE EKISS
Art by STEVE ROLSTON
Cover by CAMERON STEWART
On sale SEPTEMBER 21 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
It's the second decade of the new millenium, and the last place anyone thought there would be a violent youth revolt was the United States. After months of tense political stalemate punctuated by crippling social turmoil, a deal was reached. The minimum age to hold office was lowered, and in 2016, the youngest president ever, 17 year old Alejandra Perez "Prez" was elected to the highest office in the land. With the youth revolt still smoldering, and the country on the verge of schism or collapse, all the weight of our dreams, of our children's dreams, rest on one girl.

STATIC SHOCK #1
Written by SCOTT McDANIEL and JOHN ROZUM
Art and cover by SCOTT McDANIEL and JONATHAN GLAPION
On sale SEPTEMBER 7 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Virgil Hawkins has a great job at S.T.A.R. Labs, a new mentor in the form of the mysterious Hardware and a new life in New York City after his parents have moved him out of Dakota! But is he ready to take on the new villains who lurk in New York City’s underworld? And just what role did Hardware play in getting Static this new life?

LEGION OF SUPERHEROES #1
Written by PAUL LEVITZ
Art by FRANCIS PORTELA
Cover by KARL KERSCHL
On sale SEPTEMBER 21 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
In the 31st century, the heroic legacy of the DC Universe has been forgotten, as alien overlords The Dominators sweep through the galaxy and Earth struggles under the rule of Xevious Luthor, descendant of one of the worst super-criminals the world has ever known. But industrialist RJ Brande has a plan, and he's calling in heroes from all over the galaxy to take up the heroic banner of the Legion of Superheroes!

KAMANDI, THE LAST BOY ON EARTH #1
Written by DAVE GIBBONS and RYAN SOOK
Art and cover by RYAN SOOK
On sale SEPTEMBER 14 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Raised in the Command D Bunker by Doctor Canus, Kamandi thought he was alone. But when a girl turns up at the Bunker on the run from the slaver tigers of Great Caesar, with a locket that might lead to a colony of intelligent humans in South America, Kamandi must gather his friends and set out on a quest to find out if he is indeed the Last Boy on Earth.

METAL MEN #1
Written by BRIAN CLEVENGER
Art by JAMAL IGLE
Cover by KEVIN MAGUIRE
On sale SEPTEMBER 28 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Teenaged geniuses "Doc" Will Magnus and T.O. Morrow have been rivals since kindergarten. The twin terrors of science fairs throughout Ivy City. Now they've turned to robotics. But who will the city choose as its official champion? Morrow's powerful, popular champion The Red Tornado, or Magnus's scrappy underdogs the Metal Men? Either way, the two science teens will be hard at work in the lab, trying to top each other again, and their robotic creations will have to deal with the fallout from experiments gone wrong, as well as the weird science threats of Ivy City and their animosity towards one another.

JIMMY OLSEN #1
Written by NICK SPENCER
Art by RB SILVA & DYM
Cover by AMANDA CONNOR
On sale SEPTEMBER 21 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Jimmy Olsen and his on-again, off-again girlfriend Chloe Sullivan are constantly at odds. About who paid for dinner last, about who won the last argument... but mostly about who's going to get the best stories for Weird Worlds magazine. Join DC's most go-getting young reporters as they seek adventure and good copy in alien worlds, supervillain bases and all across the DC Universe!

All-Ages:

THE MAGIC OF SHAZAM #1
Written by EVAN "DOC" SHANER
Art and cover by EVAN "DOC" SHANER
On sale SEPTEMBER 7 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED A
Meet the Wizard. Speak the words. Fight evil. SHAZAM! Evan "Doc" Shaner brings you a brand new, all ages take on Captain Marvel, Billy Batson, Dr. Sivana, Tawky Tawny, Black Adam and more!

SUPERGIRL/BATGIRL #1
Written by MIKE MAIHACK
Art and cover by MIKE MAIHACK
On sale SEPTEMBER 14 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED A
Can the same blonde-haired, wonder teen from Metropolis who helped Barbara Gordon finally put an end to Killer Moth's week-long crime spree also be the new popular transfer student at Gotham High? Good thing they have superheroics in common because Babs' and Kara Zor-El's student lives are about to clash.

WONDER GIRL #1
Written by DARWYN COOKE & J. BONE
Art and cover by J. BONE
On sale SEPTEMBER 28 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED A
Diana Prince has become one of the world's foremost heroes. A member of the Justice League. But before all that, she was a teenager on Paradise Island and a young heroine newly arrived in Man's World. Join Darwyn Cooke (DC NEW FRONTIER) and J. BONE (BATMAN BRAVE AND THE BOLD) as they show us the early days of Diana's adventures!

BLUE BEETLES #1
Written by MIKE NORTON
Art and cover by MIKE NORTON
On sale SEPTEMBER 21 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED A
Dan Garrett III, the long lost grandson of the original Blue Beetle, thought the scarab (and the legacy of the Blue Beetle) would be his. But when he approached his boss, Ted Kord, about the idea, he found out that Jaime Reyes had already been claimed by the scarab. But when Jaime finds himself in need of a partner, Garrett "borrowed" Kord's Beetle equipment and went to the rescue. Now the two teens, with guidance from retired Blue Beetle Ted Kord, look out for each other and the citizens of Central City!

5. Top 5 Spider-Man Writers

So I'm just starting into Essential Amazing Spider-Man Volume 10, which is going to be bringing me pretty close to where I started reading Spider-Man when I was a teen. Which means that while I haven't read everything Spider-Man, I'm comfortable saying that I've read about 80% or more of the character's solo titles, and I'm comfortable making this list of my Top 5 Spider-Man writers.

Personal preference, not binding, blah blah, etc.

1. Stan Lee - It's true that when you go back to read some of Lee's early stuff, it can be a bit hokey and overly bombastic, but for me, his Spider-Man stuff holds up better than anything else, even better than Fantastic Four. Maybe that's because Lee and Ditko co-writing had a nice push-pull like you get with a good writer/editor relationship, or maybe it's any of a hundred other possible reasons, but at any rate, the early Spider-Man issues are some of my favorite Silver Age Marvel books.

Spidey's rogues gallery is one of the best in comics, and most of them were introduced during Lee's run. Green Goblin, Scorpion, Kraven, Doctor Octopus, Electro, The Lizard, Mysterio, Rhino, Shocker, Kingpin, The Sandman... a cornucopia of bad guys who remain in use today. Then there are villains who didn't endure, but who were memorable in their time, like Lee's epic about the magic tablet and "The Big Man," and the supporting cast that was established, from Mary Jane to Flash Thompson, Robbie Robertson, Gwen Stacy and of course J. Jonah Jameson, one of the best, love to hate 'em nemesis characters of all time.

In fact, Lee was #2 on this list until I realized just how much of a great foundation he laid for all that came later, and much as I love Stern's take on Spider-Man, it owes a lot to the groundwork from Lee's run.

2. Roger Stern - Stern wrote the perfect Spider-Man for me. Heroic, funny, neurotic, dangerous as hell when his righteous anger got kicked in. He also created one of the best villains of all time, the Hobgoblin, although of course points must be deducted for the lame ending when Stern left the book, and a few more for when he came back a few years later and did a miniseries that further confused the issue and had me thinking "Wait, who was that guy again?" 

Stern also wrote "The Kid That Collected Spider-Man" and "Nothing Can Stop The Juggernaut," two of the best Spider-Man stories ever put to paper, and started the maturation of Mary Jane to the point where she became a viable long-term partner for Peter Parker. 

3. Gerry Conway - I've never been a huge Conway fan, but when I read his Amazing Spider-Man, I realized how good he could be. If nothing else, the guy gave us the original clone story (which was great, as compared to the '90s clone saga) and the Death of Gwen Stacy, but he also introduced the Punisher and made Harry Osborn the Green Goblin, a notable and important development in that character's history. There were also any number of fun, memorable one-shot stories throughout his run.

4. Peter David - Though he didn't write that many Spider-Man stories due to office politics, Peter David's brief tenure on Spectacular, and his work on Web of Spider-Man, was memorable. The Sin-Eater storyline and all the work he did on Jean DeWolff was probably the best thing to happen to Spidey's police interaction since Captain Stacy, and David's sense of humor, always a prominent aspect of his writing, was a perfect fit for Spider-Man.

In fairness, because his tenure was relatively short, David was able to avoid any handicaps that would move him further down the rank, unlike a few of my honorable mentions (below).

5. Brian Michael Bendis - I know, those of you who know I'm not a huge Bendis fan these days are surprised. But Bendis did the impossible, along with Mark Bagley, and made Ultimate Spider-Man not a terrible idea but a fantastic, modern reinvention of the character. He captured the neuroses and the humor of Spider-Man better than anyone since Stern, he expanded and filled out the character's origin and development as a hero, and while things started to go off the rails after a while, those first 30 or so issues of Ultimate Spider-Man are still some of the best stuff to hand a new reader who wants to try the character out.

In addition, Miles Morales is showing a lot of the same spark of originality that the early Ultimate Spider-Man issues had, and if the character does endure (which I hope he will), Bendis will be responsible for creating what is essentially another viable Spider-Man, more popular and more easily accepted than the only other character folks might accept as Spider-Man, Ben Reilly.

Honorable Mentions:

I'd love to credit Tom DeFalco, whose follow-up to Roger Stern's run was actually pretty true to the tone, especially at first, but his later work on the Clone Saga sort of disqualifies him.

Ditto J. Michael Straczynski, who started off relatively strong, hit on some really nice ideas (Peter as teacher, Aunt May figuring out the secret), but had some not so great ones and of course, bears some of the blame for the terrible One More Day story.

David Michelinie is a writer I've always been fond of, and like him or hate him, you have to admit that Michelinie co-creation Venom is a memorable Spider-foe. He also did great stuff with Silver Sable and Paladin, two characters I really like. But he was working in the '90s, and was drawn into all the terrible storytelling conventions that implies, so at least half his run is pretty weak.

J.M. DeMatteis needs to be mentioned for "Death of Kraven," and indeed some of his '90s and '00s work was pretty solid, but a lot of his Spidey stuff is unremarkable.

Mark Waid is fantastic at Spidey (Check out Amazing Spider-Man #677) but hasn't written quite enough of the character to be an all-time favorite. I'd sure love to see more from him, though.

Dan Slott can be fantastic on Spidey (see Spider-Man/Human Torch) but he's been shackled by the Brand New Day status quo, and seems to just now be fighting his way out of it. If he had his own continuity to work with rather than the one Quesada and company saddled him with, I'm sure he'd be on this list, and I still think he might wind up there.

Next time: Least Favorite 5 Spider-Man writers. Then I might tackle Favorite artists.